What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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