You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
