She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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