Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
