Non-Jews are for practice
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
