Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
