Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
