I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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