Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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