You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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