What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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