I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
