VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
