You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
