We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
