He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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