wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize