best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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