I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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