I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
