jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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