Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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