He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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