I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
