if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
