are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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