My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
