I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
