he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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