I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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