"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
