yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
