How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
