I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Randomize
