And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
