Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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