Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize