Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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