I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This house was built for laser tag.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
