it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
