"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
