god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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