found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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