I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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