Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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