Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
