hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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