drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
