so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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