dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
