Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
