She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
