Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
