Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize