He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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