and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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