i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
