If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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