i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
