I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
