I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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