i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
