I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
from now on my penis is your penis
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
