Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
