i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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