I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
