you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we made out on top of his cat.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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