Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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