how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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