How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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