My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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