Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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