I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
