we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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