look no pants
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
