I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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