Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
