My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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