My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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