I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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