apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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