How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You are the jesus of drinking
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize